There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
