I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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