dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
