singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
