How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
