It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
