There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
