I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
