dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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