I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
