I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
