life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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