There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I supernannyed him into submission
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
