Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
