I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
