We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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