Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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