i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
