yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
