My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
