I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize