Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
