do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
