and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ugly people sure do ruin things
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
