So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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