And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
