It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
