I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
