have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
