my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
