even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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