Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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