i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
