that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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