I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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