Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
