I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
