i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
