what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
