Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
