haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
