You're so nebulous sometimes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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