i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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