I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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