it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
