It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
