can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Still dying that you shit outside
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
