watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
