I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
