Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
as a side note pls kill me
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
