Can i not drive my cunt home
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
