I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
