I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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