"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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