i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
