One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
