I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
home. puking in laundry basket.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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