Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
