If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
