How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
