with your own penis?
she was so not down for the gang bang
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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